there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
