A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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