Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
