ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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