awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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