Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
