He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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