Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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