the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize