i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
