my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
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I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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