the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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