Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
