My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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