I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
