Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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