How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did i just pee glitter
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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