My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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