just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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