Texts From Last Night

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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.

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  (717):Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine. (1-717):That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with. http://tfl.nu/pv3h
  Replies (17) Good night (4021) Bad night (591)
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  (562): View more from California

  not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

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  (562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it. http://tfl.nu/xhfr
  Replies (24) Good night (4177) Bad night (1124)
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  (707): View more from California

  You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

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  (707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant. http://tfl.nu/2b7s
  Replies (6) Good night (4196) Bad night (1152)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for

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  (514): Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for http://tfl.nu/ftay
  Replies (13) Good night (1182) Bad night (4330)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.

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  (505): He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand. http://tfl.nu/5zt4
  Replies (2) Good night (922) Bad night (1884)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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  (503): A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money. http://tfl.nu/jqm6
  Replies (4) Good night (2105) Bad night (576)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?

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  (917): will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight? http://tfl.nu/ex8f
  Replies (3) Good night (1180) Bad night (543)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...

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  (573): I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad... http://tfl.nu/bjgv
  Replies (15) Good night (675) Bad night (2080)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?

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  (318): would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase? http://tfl.nu/h5qz
  Replies (6) Good night (1437) Bad night (963)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES

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  (301): Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/onhh
  Replies (5) Good night (870) Bad night (292)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass

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  (541): Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass http://tfl.nu/kkwh
  Replies (1) Good night (1018) Bad night (235)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far

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  (407): I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far http://tfl.nu/ylx6
  Replies (1) Good night (782) Bad night (295)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.

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  (573): Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room. http://tfl.nu/y8jv
  Replies (3) Good night (553) Bad night (302)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"

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  (519): The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING" http://tfl.nu/92g2
  Replies (1) Good night (574) Bad night (204)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.

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  (404): As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection. http://tfl.nu/m3hm
  Replies (2) Good night (335) Bad night (188)

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