I need to stop coming to work sober
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday