I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
