Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole

  (425): View more from Washington

  There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

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  (206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole (425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian http://tfl.nu/pttl
  Replies (98) Good night (2487) Bad night (23926)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.

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  (404): I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner. http://tfl.nu/q9zc
  Replies (2) Good night (2695) Bad night (663)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well

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  (917): about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well http://tfl.nu/ygjn
  Replies (14) Good night (5021) Bad night (1123)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?

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  (412): You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy? http://tfl.nu/p3a3
  Replies (9) Good night (3985) Bad night (977)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.

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  (360): He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish. http://tfl.nu/ae8m
  Replies (11) Good night (3090) Bad night (690)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.

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  (414): Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night. http://tfl.nu/g1a2
  Replies (5) Good night (1108) Bad night (1130)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.

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  (619): I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain. http://tfl.nu/rwko
  Replies (5) Good night (1348) Bad night (617)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~

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  (651): Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~ http://tfl.nu/6n7p
  Replies (5) Good night (2205) Bad night (548)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.

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  (519): Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight. http://tfl.nu/qnvl
  Replies (6) Good night (1527) Bad night (616)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts

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  (215): Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts http://tfl.nu/dne4
  Replies (2) Good night (986) Bad night (357)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast

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  (940): I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast http://tfl.nu/pow4
  Replies (4) Good night (1251) Bad night (414)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.

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  (720): You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck. http://tfl.nu/hy5d
  Replies (3) Good night (1679) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes

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  (760): This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes http://tfl.nu/v44x
  Replies (2) Good night (1147) Bad night (489)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life

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  (347): maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life http://tfl.nu/rmnc
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.

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  (603): Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon. http://tfl.nu/3aco
  Replies (3) Good night (435) Bad night (1082)

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