yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize