I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?