Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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