bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
