12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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