I just threw up on my dentist
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize