you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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