would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
