Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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