That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
