i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
