im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
