i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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