I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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