If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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