She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
