i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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