Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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