I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
