we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
