What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
