before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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