all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
