if you like me you must not know who I am
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
