I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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