girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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