My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
