wanna go halves on a baby?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
