I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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