her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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