hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
