New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
