i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
