Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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