why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.