they're staring at me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.