Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.