I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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