saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
