so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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