can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
