He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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