look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
