I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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