How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So many bounce houses so little time
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
