I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
