what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found the puke drawer
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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