i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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