Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
