She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
