She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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