Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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