rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
