When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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