There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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