The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
