Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
