Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
