so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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