i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
