brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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