I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
