Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
