I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
